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    Ellen Ann Fuller, November 10 1949 - November 1, 2012

    This is just the very beginning. Please check back often so you can see new stories added, you can add to stories as they are added, comment on them, include your memory of them, etc.

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    Look for the name Ellen Fuller, writer...
    November 25, 2012
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    The following is the libretto of the 1989 ACLU Follies produced by Bob Hirschfeld. It was performed in Flagstaff AZ on 4/15/89 and the College of Law Great Hall at Arizona State University on 4/22/89. Although copyrighted, it is posted as a text file on the AZ Civil Liberties Union Bulletin Board (BBS) (602-271-9357 300/1200/2400 N81) for your interest and enjoyment, and to encourage your attendance at the next annual ACLU FOLLIES.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    ARIZONA CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION
    11th ANNUAL
    CIVIL LIBERTIES FOLLIES
    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    "PHANTOM OF THE ACLU"

    Produced by Bob Hirschfeld

    Directed by Ray Currie

    Choral Direction by David Forsyth

    Character Performers
    JUSTICE STANLEY MANSFIELD - Frank Jeffries
    GOVERNOR ROSE BOUFFANT - Alice Bendheim
    RED JIMENEZ - Tom Rogers
    MIKE D. CUCKOO - June Meitz
    LIBBY - Ethel Harris
    PRESIDENT THEODORE TUSH - Gene Kadish
    STEVE TWIST - Robert Bautista
    DAN QUAYLE - Frank Brinkman
    SENATOR FOGBOTTOM - David Forsyth
    STEWARDESS - Diane Harris
    AYATOLLAH KHOMEINI - Frank Kadish
    PETER MACDONALD - Bryce Matte
    JOHN TOWER - Paul Matte
    EVAN MECHAM - Jane Rein'l
    FAA INSPECTOR - Ken Sambell
    TAPDANCER - Selma Targovnik

    And Jerry Nolen as ???

    "THE TUSHETTES"
    Terese Forsyth
    Diane Harris
    Valerie Saunders
    Kate Searle

    And the Rest of the Chorus.....
    Virginia Freeman
    Mary Ann Fitzpatrick
    Starr Bryan
    Linda Moore
    Rivko Knox
    Art Felsinger
    Diane Targovnik

    Piano: Paul Matte
    Percussion: Jason Harris

    Properties: June Meitz

    Concept and Performance Script
    by Bob Hirschfeld
    Gratefully acknowledging the creative input
    of Don Peters

    1989 Writing Team
    Alice Bendheim, Diane Frank, David Forsyth,
    Ellen Fuller, Ethel Harris, Bob Hirschfeld,
    Cora Inskeep, Beth Luey, Bob Meitz,
    June Meitz, Don Peters, Jane Rein'l

    Copyright © 1989 by the
    Arizona Civil Liberties Union
    All rights Reserved

    For information concerning scripts, readings,
    performances, audio and videotapes contact
    Arizona Civil Liberties Union, 2021 N.
    Central, Suite 218A, Phoenix AZ 85004

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    PROGRAM

    ACT ONE
    Page
    HURRAY FOR ACLU 1
    The Ensemble

    HIGH HAIR 1
    Alice Bendheim

    PHOENIX SLEEPS TONIGHT 2
    Frank Jeffries, Alice Bendheim, Ensemble

    THE CAMPAIGN KEEPS ROLLING ALONG 3
    The Ensemble

    FREE SPEECH LOVERS FROM HELL 3
    Tom Rogers

    TURN THE OTHER CHEEK 4
    "The Tushettes":
    Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

    STILL LIBERAL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS 5
    Ethel Harris

    THINK OF IT 5
    Ethel Harris

    PLANE FRIGHT 6
    Frank Jeffries and Ensemble

    PICKET LINE 1989 6
    "The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
    Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

    BUILD US A STADIUM 7
    The Ensemble

    ACT TWO

    AYATOLLAH'S COMING TO TOWN 8
    "The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
    Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

    SMITE THE OFFENDER 9
    David Forsyth

    ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN 10
    Frank Kadish

    HEY, JEWS 10
    Bob Hirschfeld

    IT'S A CHRISTIAN NATION 11
    Tom Rogers

    ADVICE TO GEORGE 11
    "The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
    Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

    GOD SAVE THE PRES 12
    The Ensemble

    READ MY LIPS 12
    Gene Kadish

    HOME IN TEXAS 13
    Gene Kadish

    OH, JOHNNY 13
    "The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
    Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

    HANG DOWN YOUR HEAD, JOHN TOWER 14
    Paul Matte and the Men's Chorus

    NO LUCK FOR A PAY RAISE 15
    Linda Moore and the Women's Chorus

    S & L INFIRMARY 16
    David Forsyth

    THE PRESIDENT'S HAND PICKED VP 17
    Frank Brinkman

    A-C-N-E 18
    Frank Brinkman

    BUILD US A LASER DISH (Reprise) 19
    The Ensemble

    PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN 19
    Ethel Harris

    ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH CENSORS (Reprise) 20
    Ensemble and "The Tushettes": Terese Forsyth,
    Diane Harris, Valerie Saunders, Kate Searle

    WITHOUT AN EVIL EMPIRE 20
    Virginia Freeman, Tom Rogers, Gene Kadish

    SYMBOL OF FREEDOM 21
    Ethel Harris

    HURRAY FOR ACLU (Reprise) 21
    The Ensemble

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    1989 ACLU FOLLIES: PHANTOM OF THE ACLU
    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    HURRAY FOR A-C-L-U
    (Bob Hirschfeld, 1989; Hurray for Captain Spaulding-Groucho's Theme)

    Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights Protector
    We fear no Phantom's Spectre
    For we know rights from wrongs!

    Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights expander
    Yes, we know goose from gander,
    We'll make right all that's wrong!

    Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights Defender
    Gives Race and Creed and Gender
    Equality in Law!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Governor Rose Bouffant (Mofford):
    HIGH HAIR (Don Peters, 1989 "High Hopes")

    When they threw out Ev Nincompoop
    In I came through some legal loop
    Some say the next time folks vote
    Rose's petals will droop.
    But I've got high hair
    I've got high hair
    I've got Mount-Everest
    Twenty mile in the sky hair.
    And there's a Governor under it
    Hear me thunder it
    Make me gov'nor once more!

    CHORUS:
    Oops there goes another governor
    Oops there goes another governor
    Oops there goes another governor
    (Spoken) Out the door.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    PHOENIX SLEEPS TONIGHT (Bob Meitz, 1989 "The Lion Sleeps Tonight")

    Chorus: The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals

    In the desert, the sizzling desert, we finally stole a team
    (spoken) More or less.
    And it boosted, it really boosted, our flagging self-esteem

    Chorus: The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals

    We've been dreaming, so let's start scheming to get ourselves a dome
    (spoken) A federal dome!
    Then the Superbowl, yes the Superbowl game will call us home.

    Chorus: The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals,
    The Cardinals, The Cardinals

    Hear the secret, don't fear the secret, keep Phoenix in the dark,
    Hide the laser, the giant laser, beneath the giant park.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    (Re: Dukakis Campaign 1988)
    CAMPAIGN KEEPS ROLLING ALONG
    (Cora Innskeep 1989: Caissons)

    Over hill, over dale, as he hit the dirty trail
    And the campaign went rolling along
    The support for him shrank as he rode off in that tank.
    While the campaign kept rolling along.

    George said hi-hi-ho, the low road we will go,
    Michael answered slinging mud is wrong
    So he said "no tanks" and he kept on firing blanks
    As the campaign went crawling along
    JUS: On its belly
    As the campaign kept crawling along

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    FREE SPEECH LOVERS FROM HELL
    (Don Peters, 1989)

    I drive in a pickup truck and I work for a buck
    That says "In God we Trust"
    CHORUS: We trust.
    I want my kids to be born again
    Not doped up, knocked up, or bussed
    CHORUS: NOT BUSSED
    I guess I'm in favor of free speech
    As long as you don't overdo her
    But my pickup will seize and hell's gonna freeze
    'Fore I'll be an ACLU'er.

    I bet they call each other comrade
    I bet they meet in a cell
    Those card-carrying, atheistic, left wing
    Free speech lovers from hell.
    From hell.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by "Ev Mecham":
    TURN THE OTHER CHEEK (Don Peters 1989;
    So Long, been good to Know Ya)
    Solo:
    Some voted against me, I know every name
    But heavens, life is too short to lay blame
    Let's put it behind us and start out anew
    As soon as we've decapitated a few

    Chorus:
    Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them
    Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them
    Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them

    Solo:
    And I don't mean the ones on my face.

    To my friends I remarked, Folks, now that I'm leavin'
    I say don't get mad, let's simply get even
    Let's pray for our foes though we cannot respect them
    And wish them the best after we vivisect them, yes....

    Chorus:
    Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them
    Come, now, let's turn our cheeks to them......

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    STILL LIBERAL AFTER ALL THESE YEARS (Ellen Fuller 1989)(Still crazy
    after all these years) (Paul Simon)

    I met old Mo Udall on the Street last night
    Seems so glad to see me, I just smiled
    So we talked about some issues
    And we drank ourselves some beers
    Still liberal after all these years.

    I ain't the kind of gal afraid to socialize
    I seem to lean on old left-wing ways
    And I ain't no fool for movie stars
    That whisper in my ears
    Still liberal after all these years.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    THINK OF IT (from Phantom of the Opera; Bob Hirschfeld 1989)

    Think of it, think of the glory,
    We can all achieve!
    Think of it, we'll tell a story
    Will the Pres believe?

    How Arizona can become
    The site of Football's greatest game,
    With fed'ral money flowing
    We'll never be the same.

    I don't care if he's Republican
    Or if he ran the C.I.A.,
    Our President must give us
    [A] Dome in which to play!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    PLANE FRIGHT (Leaving on a Jet Plane; Don Peters 1989)

    All my bags are crushed, I'm ready to go,
    Some bomb is probably timed to blow,
    The ground crew's out on strike, the pilot's high.
    One engine's dead, the tail just fell,
    a door drops off, but what the hell
    The P.A. says its time to say goodbye......

    (Chorus) So bless us and pray for us
    It's up and away for us

    I want my bonus mileage, 'fore I die

    (Chorus) We're leaving on a jet plane
    Don't know how we'll get down again

    Solo: Oh Gosh, I hate to fly!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    PICKET LINE 1989 (Alice Bendheim 1989 - "Do Not Forsake Me")

    Do not mistake us, Frank Lorenzo,
    We will not go away --
    Do not mistake our dedication
    Today . . . .

    We will not fly for Eastern Airlines
    As long as Frank Lorenzo stands
    For he is just a union buster,
    and like Custer,
    It's his last stand

    So if you want to take a journey,
    To good old Washington, D.C.,
    To get your superdome collider,
    Take a glider,
    But DON'T FLY ME!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    BUILD US A STADIUM (Anvil Chorus; Bob Hirschfeld 1989) (*) = Anvil
    Phoenix is World Class, yes Phoenix is World Class
    And we have the teams that can prove it to you.
    Devils and Card'nals, Suns they're all World Class
    Our days as a small fry, thank heavens are through.

    CHORUS:
    Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
    for Car-(*)dinals (*) to play (*) in (*)
    Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
    to show (*) the world (*) we're Phoe-nix (*)(*)

    Phoe-nix (*)(*), Phoe-nix (*)(*)
    We - know - who - we -are....
    We are the forty, the Phoenix Forty, and we are not.... small fry....

    Su-per-bowl touchdown, so you won't much frown
    The pub-lic gets bread and then and then circuses too.
    Jocks, let us all stand, leave culture a wasteland
    The Romans, like us, through their sports greatness knew.

    Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
    for Car-(*)dinals (*) to play (*) in (*)
    Build (*) us (*) a sta-(*)dium (*)
    to show (*) the world (*) we're Phoe-nix (*)(*)

    Phoe-nix (*)(*), Phoe-nix (*)(*)
    We - know - who - we -are....
    We are the forty, the Phoenix Forty, and we are not.... small fry....

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    AYATOLLAH'S COMING TO TOWN
    (Beth Luey 1989 - Santa Claus is Coming)

    Soloist #1:
    Oh, you'd better watch out,
    Satan Defy,
    Better not write,
    I'm telling you why,
    Ayatollah's coming to town!

    Soloist #2:
    He's making a list,
    Checking it twice,
    Khomeini will say
    Who's naughty and nice,
    Ayatollah's coming to town!

    Trio: #1,2,3:
    He knows what you've been thinking,
    He knows what books you've read,
    He knows what books you buy and sell,
    So you just might wake up dead!

    Soloist #3:
    So, you'd better watch out,
    In hell you might fry,
    If you don't hate Rushdie,
    I'm telling you why,
    Ayatollah's coming to town!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    SMITE THE OFFENDER
    (Don Peters 1989 - "The Impossible Dream"

    AYATOLLAH:
    To smite everyone who offends
    To see every heretic dead
    To know that a blaspheming writer
    Will soon be detached from his head

    This is my dream
    And how my heart glows
    To know that our death squads
    Will find Allah's foes

    Anywhere
    Yes no matter how hard
    We can reach San Diego
    We'll thwart Scotland Yard

    Nevermore shall an Infidel's pen
    Make a blot on my prayer
    He who blasphemes shall die first, and then
    Let the reader beware!

    And the world
    Will be purer for this
    That one man
    Near his end and unwell
    Still strove
    With his last ounce of passion
    To send wayward thinkers
    To hell!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by Ayatollah:
    ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN
    (Don Peters version 1989; Once in Love with Amy)

    ASSASSIN: (Still carrying Automatic Weapon:)

    Once in league with Satan
    Always in league with Satan
    Gunpoint confessions
    Don't merit concessions
    They just say what you want to hear.

    To have theocracy we must be narrow
    Straight arrow, and shrill
    'Cause once you let another view get going
    It's so hard to kill.

    Once we start to censor
    And to be death's dispenser
    We must be consistent
    Til they're nonexistent
    So close your eyes and think of Iran
    Then fire off as many bullets as... you... can!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by Jewish Emigre trying to get into Israel:
    HEY, JEWS
    (Bob Hirschfeld, 1989; "Hey Jude"-Beatles)

    Hey Jews, who are we now?
    Are we good enough, to stay in Israel?
    Remember, they'll challenge our Jewishness:
    Religion and state to them are one.

    Return if we're Jewish enough
    Jewish enough, to stay.
    Return if we're Jewish enough
    They're checking on us, OY VAY!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by Arizona Republican politician:
    CHRISTIAN NATION
    (Don Peters, 1989 "Fascination")

    It's a Christian Nation, you see
    Jesus rules the land of the brave and the free
    Now they say the libs flipped their lids when we said so
    So we say EX-CUUUUUU-SE ME!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by President Bush (Tush)'s "backup group", the "Tushettes"
    ADVICE TO GEORGE
    (Jane Rein'l 1989; "Button Up Your Overcoat")

    Pledge allegiance every day
    On the campaign trail
    Show you're nobody's wimp
    Give 'em Danny Quayle.

    Don't let any loonies loose
    On parole or bail
    Fight crime, smack, crack and pot
    Be a macho male.

    Just tell them "read my lips"
    (oooh, oooh)
    Try some quips (ho, ho)
    Don't make slips (no, no)
    Let ACLU get Mike in deep doo-doo.

    Wear a vest that's bullet proof
    Once you've clinched the sale
    Take good care of your self
    Or we're stuck with Quayle.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    GOD SAVE SAVE THE PRES
    (Don Peters 1989 "God Save the Queen")

    God save our gracious Pres
    God save our noble Pres
    God save the Pres

    For if his health should fail
    We'd get J. Danforth Quayle

    So let our leader's pulse prevail
    God save our Pres!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by President Tush:
    READ MY LIPS
    (Alice Bendheim 1989; "Shall We Dance?")

    The other candidates, who ran for president
    They wanted to talk taxes, but they were so hesitant.

    They said I was a wimp, and couldn't keep my word.
    I had in mind to prove that I was stronger than a nerd,
    So I said......

    Read my lips
    There'll be no new taxes
    Read my lips, read my lips

    We'll have budget axes, Just relax,

    And perchance if the deficit doesn't climb too high
    We'll restore those exemptions which the tax reformers outlawed
    And deduct all our business trips....

    Tho we know it won't work and inflation's round the corner,
    Read my lips, read my lips, read my lips!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by President Tush:
    HOME IN TEXAS (Bob Hirschfeld 1989; "Home on the Range")

    Oh give me a home, where the cattle can roam
    And the Oil Rigs are pumping all day
    Where never is heard politics more absurd
    For my campaign, those Texans did pay.

    Home, home on the range, where the Clams and the Lobsters can play
    I'd rather resort to old Kennebunkport,
    With my carpetbag, home I will stay.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by women's chorus re: John Tower
    OH, JOHNNY! (Alice Bendheim 1989 "Oh, Johnny, Oh, Johnny")

    Oh, Johnny, Oh Johnny, how you can love!
    Oh, Johnny, Oh Johnny, heaven's above!

    You'd make a great chief of defense,
    For when you're around
    The commies scurry

    Oh Johnny, Oh Johnny, how much did you drink,
    While your were on the job?

    But so help us, it's true
    That when we looked at you, we said
    NO, JOHNNY, NO, JOHNNY, NO!
    NO, JOHNNY, NO, JOHNNY, NO!
    NO, JOHNNY, NO, JOHNNY, NO!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by John Tower with men's chorus:
    HANG DOWN YOUR HEAD, JOHN TOWER
    (Bob Meitz/Don Peters 1989; "Tom Dooley")

    Hang down your head, John Tower,
    Hang down your head and sigh.
    Hang down your head, John Tower,
    Old pal, we think you lie!

    I met her at a party
    Buxom and blue-eyed.
    A voice inside said "Don't John"
    "Shut up voice," I replied.

    (Chorus:)
    Zip up your fly, John Tower
    Hold that wild impulse in
    Cork up that jug, John Tower
    The Senate can't stand sin.

    TOWER:
    I just worked for old friends
    Nothin' much went on.
    If it hadn'a been for Sam Nunn,
    I'd boss the Pent-a-gon!

    "John, a sinner is not
    what this job requires"
    So said a hundred elected
    Lechers, drunks and liars.

    (Chorus:)
    Pack up your bags, John Tower
    Go off and take the cure
    Hang up your spurs John Tower
    Our leaders must be pure.

    TOWER:
    This time tomorrow
    Reckon where I'll be? (Ha, ha!)
    Doling out those sports funds, and
    Samplin' some good whiskey!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by congressional delegation:
    NO LUCK FOR A PAY RAISE (Jane Rein'l 1989 "With a Little Bit of Luck")

    (Solo:)
    We had a sweetheart deal with the Commission
    We'd get a raise by simply lying low.
    We didn't need the Senator's permission
    For with a little bit of luck
    (And it wouldn't take much pluck)
    They could have it all and still vote No.

    (Chorus:)
    With a little bit, with a little bit
    Just a tiny bit of Pluck they voted No.

    (Solo:)
    So then we had the perfect situation
    Who'd think that we were riding for a fall?
    For if the House just took a short vacation, then
    With a little bit of luck
    With a little bit of luck
    They could grab it all and not vote at all!

    (Chorus:)
    With a little bit, with a little bit
    With a little bit of luck, no vote at all.

    We had it all tied up in red tape
    Until the media cut loose and cooked our goose.

    (Solo:)
    Folks started sending tea bags by the hundred
    And Speaker Wright spoke wrong and lost his clout.
    The people's voice just growled and roared and thundered
    So our plan we had to chuck
    And we didn't make a buck
    'Cause that little bit of luck ran out.

    (Chorus:)
    Yes, that little bit, Yes, that little bit
    Yes that little bit of luck just ran right out.

    (softly)
    But we'll still keep
    Our Honoraria
    If a little bit of luck holds out!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    S & L INFIRMARY (David Forsyth 1989;
    "St. James Infirmary")

    Went down to the S&L this mornin'
    To count my money there
    Looked at my account balance
    So cold, so small, so bare

    Where is it? Where is it? I shouted
    Please tell me where it has gone
    To the Fed'ral Deposit Insurance
    They told me it had been withdrawn

    Have faith in the full faith and credit
    Of our great Democracy
    For the balance of your deposits
    You know are guaranteed.

    I was sad, beaten down, broken hearted
    Learned my lesson, but oh at what cost
    Insurance took all of my money
    Will the Congress replace what I've lost?

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by Dan Quayle:
    THE PRESIDENT'S HAND PICKED VP
    (Beth Luey 1989 - Queen's Navy)

    When I was a young man my name was Quayle
    And so I knew that I could never fail
    My Granny said, "Dan, just you wait and see,
    For you can be whatever you may want to be."
    (Chorus:) For you can be whatever you may want to be."
    I waited and saw so perfectly,
    That now I am the President's hand picked VP.
    (Chorus:) He waited and saw so perfectly,
    That now he is the President's hand picked VP.

    When the Vietnam War came, I wished to serve
    But I saw some blood and then I lost my nerve
    So I joined the Guard and learned some skills
    While Daddy paid my greens fees and my grocery bills.
    (Chorus:) While Daddy paid his greens fees and his grocery bills.
    I served the Guard so loyally
    That now I am the President's hand picked VP.
    (Chorus:) He served the Guard so loyally
    That now he is the President's
    hand picked VP.

    So if you aspire to a higher fame
    Just learn my rules before you play my game
    Don't risk your life, don't work too hard
    Play lots of golf, and join the National Guard.
    (Chorus:) Play lots of golf, and join the National Guard.
    Be rich and handsome and dumb as a tree
    And you may be Dan Quayle's very own VP.
    (Chorus:) Be rich and handsome and dumb as a tree
    And you may be Dan Quayle's very own VP.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    Sung by Dan Quayle, appointed to head the
    "President's task force on ACNE":

    ACNE (Don Peters 1989; tune of "Lola")

    My skin's clear but yours is a mess
    It's time this country did something I guess
    About acne
    A-C-N-E acne
    The whole world grieves when a rich white twit
    Has her coming out spoiled by a vicious zit
    Let's fight acne
    A-C-N-E acne
    Ac ac ac ac ac-n-he-he

    I told Pres I had to have something to do
    Well, playing second fiddle can make you blue

    I said to him Danny Boy I've got me a plan
    We'll set you fighting pimples, it'll make you a man.

    Now I'm not the world's most competent guy
    I can't do much, but HE thinks that I
    Can fight acne
    A-C-N-E acne
    I longed to do battle with something that's red
    And now that ambition has come to a head
    I'll fight acne
    A-C-N-E acne
    Ac ac ac ac ac-n-he-he
    Men will be boys and boys will be men
    Someday I'll grow up but until then
    I'll fight acne.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    BUILD US A LASER DISH (REPRISE)
    (Bob Hirschfeld 1989 "Anvil Chorus")
    (*# = anvil plus laser flash)
    (Chorus:)

    Build (*#) us (*#) a la-(*#) ser dish (*#)
    so we (*#) can shoot (*#) -down Russ- (*#) ians (*#)
    Build (*#) us (*#) a la-(*#) ser dish (*#)
    to show (*#) the world (*#) our star wars (*#)(*#)

    Star Wars (*#)(*#), Star-wars (*#)(*#)
    We - shall - show - the -world....
    We are the forty, the Phoenix Forty, and we are not.... small fry....

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN
    (Bob Hirschfeld 1989, same title/Phantom)

    Past the point of no return
    This weapon takes us
    If it can shoot down foes, it could harm friends

    Past the point of no return
    Is war our future?
    What happened to your kinder, gentler plan?

    Must you seek phantoms to attack
    Is there no grey 'twixt white and black
    What world destruction lies before us?

    Past the point of no return
    This sabre rattling
    Hides from us phantom fears within ourselves

    Beyond the point of no return.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    ONCE IN LEAGUE WITH CENSORS (Bob Hirschfeld 1989 -Once in Love with Amy)
    (Reprise)

    Once in league with Censors
    Always in league with Censors
    Once they have said it
    You always will regret it
    If government controls what we hear

    How can we be free if speech is threa-tened
    Or cen-sored or banned?
    Don't imagine that it couldn't happen,
    In this enlightened land!

    Once in league with Censors
    Always oppressed by Censors
    Thoughts that offend men
    Share the First Amendment
    With others that must see light of day

    Our speech and our religion always shall.... be.....free.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    WITHOUT AN EVIL EMPIRE (Don Peters 1989)
    ("If Ever I Would Leave You")

    Without an evil empire
    What will we do with napalm?
    Could it be our A bomb, will just sit and rust?
    We need a red menace,to stay on our toes
    With Stealth and MXes,we just must have foes.

    And when I hear of peace offensives
    Then I shudder so
    If he won't stop this plowshare rattling
    Gorbachev must go!

    Without some bolshevism
    What will they do with our kind?
    What if people should find
    That peace was at hand?
    Lord don't let it happen
    Let's have fear like before
    O, Lord make that empire evil once more.

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    SYMBOL OF FREEDOM (Bob Hirschfeld 1989;
    Phantom/Angel of Music)
    Symbol of Freedom, we shall praise you
    Liberty, we'll preserve you
    Our Bill of Rights, we must protect you
    From those who seek destruction.
    "Carrying cards," they accused us
    As if that card proved us disloyal
    But ACLU is victorious
    Over those who freedom spoil!
    Symbol of Freedom, show it proudly
    Members, and friends, support us
    Carry our card, proclaim it loudly
    Don't be ashamed to join us!

    <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
    HURRAY FOR ACLU (Reprise)
    (Bob Hirschfeld 1989)
    Hurray for A-C-L-U, the Bill of Rights Protector
    We fear no Phantom's Spectre
    For we know rights from wrongs!
    Our Follies now are ended; is everyone
    offended?
    The Phantom has descended
    We've sung all this year's songs.
    Hurray for you who heard us, applauding what we did here
    We need your help for next year
    To help us right more wrongs....
    We'll surely write more songs....
    To help keep........
    OUR CONSTITUTION STRONG!

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